Upside Down
by GeorgeAndrews
Summary: In an Upside Down world, maybe life would have been a little different for our CSIs. Whole Team.
1. Chapter 1

A/N – So woop woop it's a boy...yay! Welcome to the new heir! I had to write something to celebrate so here it is.

This is just a little experimentation of "What if?" and not to be taken too seriously, title kinda says it all.

* * *

**Upside Down**

Claire stood in her office on the lower level thirty-fifth floor of the New York Crime Lab and looked out over the city. It was really a beautiful day, the sky was free from clouds, the sun's rays could be seen shining down from this height and the buzz of the City life below was drifting up from the streets. It could have been any day really. Any one of numerous days that she had lived through here, in the City. But yet it wasn't. It wasn't for a million and one different reasons but most of all it wasn't because of Mac.

"Mac..." she murmured as she let the world hang on her lips before it fell.

He was gone seven years now. Seven lonely years in which she had never once looked at another man, never once even had the nerve to throw out all his belongings. Their wedding picture was still in its place on the mantelpiece and her heart still firmly belonged to him, even if he was gone. Mac had died in the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Centre. It was a day Claire knew she would never forget. The worst day of her life.

"Claire," smiled Jo as she tapped on the glass door and then entered the office. Her curly hair bounced around her head as she sat down on the couch in the right hand corner.

"Jo, how are you?" Claire smiled as she turned from the computerised view outside the fake window and took a seat behind her desk. Of course the day could have been like any other. The view never changed. It had been set up in these lower level basement floors to give the rooms a more cheery appearance and help workers focus.

"Good. All packed up. I'm looking forward to the big move now," Jo replied.

"I still wish there was something I could say to change your mind," Claire said a little sadly.

"I know you do. But I've made up my mind. I've loved every bit of working for you and I couldn't ask for a nicer boss. But the job in New Orleans is such a good offer, I just can't turn it down," Jo said sadly.

"I know, I know," Claire sighed. "I'm just going to miss you. Who's going to organise my desk for me now?" she joked.

"Well hopefully you might have learnt a thing or two about organisation from me in the years we've been working together," Jo smiled.

"I can't help it," Claire shrugged. "Mac was always the organised one. I was always the big mess."

"You're hardly a big mess," Jo chuckled. "And anyway I'm sure my replacement will be almost as fabulous as I am."

Claire leant forward and picked up a file from her desk. "She's supposed to be arriving any minute now."

"Where's she coming from?" Jo asked.

"Washington. She worked for the F.B.I there," Claire recited as she rifled through the pages.

"The F.B.I? Wow," Jo murmured. "She married?"

"Divorced. But she has two kids," Claire said as she put the file down and looked up.

"Well if she's single then maybe the two of you can have a girls night out on the town sometime. It's about time you found yourself someone nice," Jo said sternly.

"Jo!" Claire exclaimed.

"Excuse me, might you be Claire Taylor?" a voice interrupted from the doorway.

Claire looked up and smiled at the dark haired woman who stood there. "Come in," she smiled. "Stella Stellason meet Jo Danville."

"Oh Dear Lord don't call me that. It's Stella Bonasera now. And Good Lord aren't you a pretty thing," Stella smiled as she came in and shook Jo's hand. Jo raised her eyebrows at Claire who shrugged.

"Um, thanks?" Jo muttered, laughing.

"Well it's just so darn lovely to meet y'all and be here in this big ol' city of yours," Stella added as she smiled at the two women.

"So you like New York?" Jo asked. She was very fond of her home city and would be sad to leave it behind even she was going to her dream job.

"Who couldn't?" Stella exclaimed. "Though it is a bit far from the ol' homestead for me. I sure will miss my Mama," she sighed.

"And how are your kids settling in?" Claire asked politely.

"Oh they're just fine," Stella smiled warmly.

"Well how about we all go and get a bite to eat then?" Claire suggested as she stood up and looked at the other two.

"Great," Jo nodded.

"Well hot diggety, if that doesn't sound fabulous," Stella agreed as the three women went towards the door. Just at that moment there was a tap and Hawkes came in.

"Lab tech," Jo whispered to Stella. "Not the brightest," she added.

"Sorry Claire, I just had to come and tell you this. I've just read the funniest thing..." Hawkes laughed, holding his stomach as he tried to breathe.

Claire and Jo rolled their eyes at one another in exasperation.

* * *

"Hey, Angie," Lindsay grinned as she hurried into the precinct and took a seat at the side of her best friend's desk.

"Lindso, what's up?" Angell smiled in reply as she finished writing up the section of her report she was on and then looked up. Her eye was suddenly caught by the tall dark figure strutting past her desk and she smiled, raising one eyebrow seductively at him and fluttering her eyelashes before looking back at Lindsay.

"I saw that," Lindsay chuckled.

"Saw what?" Angell said defensively.

"I think everybody saw that," Lindsay replied.

"So what?" Angell shrugged. "Flack is one fine piece of ass."

Lindsay burst out laughing, much to the disdain of the other officers mulling around. "You are such a slut!" she exclaimed.

"Says you," Angell replied. "But he is so damn hot, don't you agree?"

"I dunno, Angie. I heard he's got four older sisters that mollycoddle him so much it'd be hard to get your foot in the door. You'll have your work cut out trying to impress them," Lindsay mused aloud.

"Aww they'll love me. Who doesn't? And he'd have his work cut out too. Imagine him trying to impress my Ma. She's a NYPD legend, best detective there's been in years," Angell scoffed.

"Oh yeah," Lindsay smiled. "Ah well, he's all yours anyway, hun. I have my sights set on someone else."

"So I take it it's over with Richard then?" Angell asked.

"It never even started with him. This other guy is so much finer," Lindsay smiled.

"I don't suppose this has anything to do with that new CSI from Montana. I've seen you making eyes at him," Angell grinned, waggling her eyebrows knowingly.

"Maybe," Lindsay replied, a glazed look over her eyes. "Though he's obsessed with wheatfields. I mean what is that, right? He should have become a farmer or summin."

Angell chuckled. "I can just see you going off with a farm boy and being a farmer's wife. Big City girl leaves the bright lights for a small backwater village where you have to pee in a hut in the back garden."

"No way am I ever peeing in a hut," Lindsay frowned.

"I bet that Montana guy has," Angell smiled. "What's his name again?"

"Messer," Lindsay said dreamily.

"Messer? What kinda name is that?" Angell laughed.

"I know right?" Lindsay replied. "Messer from Montana."

The two girls laughed loudly together and once again received multiple looks of annoyance from the other cops who were working hard in the bullpen.

"Ahem," coughed a voice nearby to them. "Have either of you seen Detective Flack? I was supposed to meet him here."

Lindsay looked up and then blushed terribly as she saw the new guy standing right beside her. Angell simply looked incredibly pleased with herself and went back to writing her report, sniggering quietly.

"Oh, hey Montana. Yeah he's around here somewhere, we just saw him. He'll probably be back in a moment," Lindsay replied.

"Thanks," Danny nodded frowning slightly as he heard the name Montana.

"So how are you finding it in the Big Apple?" Lindsay asked politely.

"Yeah, it's good. Quite different. I still kinda miss the wheatfields..."

Danny stopped talking as a loud snort emanating from Angell distracted him.

"Oh err, sorry, sinuses," Angell muttered and then turned back to the paperwork.

Lindsay stared at Angell in embarrassment and felt her face go red. Hopefully Danny wouldn't notice.

"Um, I guess it'll take a lot of getting used to, it's such a big place," she mumbled.

"Yeah. Small town boy in the big city, it's an adventure," Danny grinned.

"Hey, Danny," Flack said cheerily coming over and immediately Angell's head came up and she smiled at the tall, rather shy detective.

"Hey, Flack," she muttered.

"Oh, hey Jess," he said, a slight pink tinge appearing on his cheeks.

"Flack," Lindsay nodded. "Angie was just telling me here that she'd love you to meet her mother one day."

Angell's jaw dropped open in horror as she stared at her best friend while Flack looked like someone had forced him to eat something very disgusting and he had now turned a nasty shade of green, instead of the previous pink.

"W..what?" he muttered.

"Your mother isn't she the NYPD legend?" Danny asked, oblivious to all the subtext going on around him.

"That's right," Lindsay smiled. "So what do you say, Flack?"

Angell growled at Lindsay and shoved an elbow as subtly as possible into her friend's ribs. Lindsay grimaced in pain and shot the detective a look.

"Actually, I think that could be a good idea," Flack said quietly, shocking them all, his face going back to pink.

"What?" Lindsay said, annoyed her plan to embarrass Angell had gone wrong.

"What?" Angell said stupidly, certain she had misheard.

"However I think it might be nicer to go out without your mother just a few times beforehand," Flack smiled shyly.

"Well how about an Irish coffee after work then?" Angell grinned as she leant forward over her desk, showing off a bit of cleavage.

"Sure," Flack nodded, smiling happily as his eyes drifted down to Angell's cleavage. He immediately blushed a bright red and looked up at the ceiling.

"Meet you back here at eight?" Angell laughed as she and Lindsay swapped looks of amusement.

"Yeah, fine," Flack coughed at the ceiling.

"It' a date," Angell smiled before she could stop herself. Suddenly it occurred to her what she had just said. "Oh, err..."

"A date," Flack nodded, still at the ceiling. "I'll see you in interrogation room one, Danny," he added and then disappeared out of the room.

"I like that guy" Danny grinned obliviously.

"So does someone else," Lindsay teased.

"Hmm, he was gonna show me around the City a bit after work, where the good places are to go out," Danny frowned suddenly.

"Hey, I'm sure Lindso would just love to do that instead," Angell spoke up, getting her own back on her friend.

Danny looked at Lindsay uncertainly. "I dunno," he blushed awkwardly.

"I would love to," Lindsay smiled, standing up beside Danny. "I could show you things that would rock your world."

"I'm sure you could," Angell chuckled, just loud enough for Danny to hear.

"Oh um..." Danny once again blushed.

"I'll pick you up at eight, Montana," Lindsay said, rolling her eyes and then heading out of the bullpen.

"Okay eight...yeah..." Danny nodded and then turned back to Angell. "She's amazing," He gushed. "What's her deal?"

"Just a typical New Yorker," Angell shrugged. "You ought to watch out for us," she added.

Danny frowned at her, utter confusion on his face. New York sure was a strange place. Just at that moment Hawkes appeared from the entrance hall and on seeing Danny and Angell he made his way over.

"Oh God," Angell muttered, quickly standing up. "You're on your own, buddy," she whispered and then quickly fled away out of the other door.

Danny frowned at her back, still confused by all these strange New York people.

"Hey, Danno Spanno," Hawkes chuckled. "Have I just got the funniest thing to tell you!"

Danny sighed as Hawkes started hooting in laughter before he'd even got his sentence out. He was finally coming to understand why people avoided this guy like the plague.

* * *

Sid yawned and relaxed back into his desk chair, scratching the back of his head and in doing so knocking his cap off.

"Darn it!" he moaned and then stood up to pick it up, stretching out his aching joints.

"Yo, Sid, nice shirt!" Lindsay smiled as she walked into the A/V lab and glanced over Sid.

Sid looked down at himself. He was wearing a brightly patterned shirt with a waistcoat over it and jeans. He didn't really dress his age but then he was a big kid at heart and had never really grown up. He liked comics, liked computer games and was so obsessed with Star Trek it was unreal.

"Thanks, Linds. You got any idea where Adam is? I wanna talk to him," Sid asked.

"Where he normally is," Lindsay replied, settling down in another chair.

"Urgh, I don't wanna go up there. It spooks me right up," Sid replied, shivering and making a face.

Just at that second he glanced up and saw Hawkes exit the elevator a big grin on his face. "Actually you know what? I think I will go find him."

"What? Why?" Lindsay asked, sitting up and realising there must be a reason for Sid to run off so quickly. She saw Hawkes making his way along the corridor.

"Don't you dare leave me with him!" Lindsay hissed.

"Too late," giggled Sid and sprinted off out of the door, running past Hawkes and ignoring the younger man shouting at him.

"Lindsaaaayyyyy..." Hawkes grinned as he sauntered into the A/V lab.

"You know what, I'm kinda busy here Hawkes," Lindsay muttered.

"Aw you're never too busy for one of Hawkes' infamous yarns!"

Lindsay banged her head on the desk, reminding herself to murder Sid when he came back.

Sid waited for the elevator to ascend to the street level and then exited into the morgue.

"Yo, Ad!" Sid said merrily as he entered the room where Sid was working. "Oh...gross! Gross, gross, gross!" he moaned as he saw the carved up body on the table.

"Sidney, there is nothing gross about the human body," Adam tutted as he straightened up and stared at Sid crossly.

"I dunno, all the goo there, I mean, what is that stuff...do I have it?" Sid shivered.

"Yes," Adam said in exasperation.

"Urgh" Sid replied.

"The human body is a marvellous thing, full or wonder and intrigue," Adam stated as he once more bent over the body on the slab and scraped something off with a medical instrument. He looked up to see Sid looking rather green.

"Oh for goodness sake," he moaned and then covered the body up. "I'll continue later. Was there something you wanted?"

"Umm..." Sid muttered eyes still staring at the cloth covered body.

"He's not going to bite, you know?" Adam said. "This specimen was rather fascinating actually. I think I'll be having dreams about this one tonight," he grinned.

"What?" Sid suddenly asked, frowning in confusion.

"Dreams..."Adam sighed.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. Lieutenant Uhura..." Sid drifted off.

"Ahem," Adam suddenly coughed rather embarrassedly.

"Oh yeah," Sid laughed nervously. "Well, anyway, I was just wondering if you'd finished with my X-Men trilogy boxset."

"Not yet I'm afraid. Did you need it back now?" Adam asked.

"Nah, just wanted to check you hadn't forgotten you have it. I can't even remember why you said you wanted it now anyway," Sid shrugged.

"Experimentation," Adam laughed. "Mutants, mutating cells, medical experimentation, it really is..."

"I don't wanna know," Sid interrupted quickly.

"But you really must..."

The morgue phone began to ring at that precise moment and Sid breathed a sigh of relief. He removed his cap and wiped his sweaty brow. Noting one of his purple Converse had come undone he knelt down to tie it back up again while Adam finished up on the phone.

"That was Claire. She wants us all down in the conference room now," Adam stated, sliding the body away and removing his gloves.

"Come on then," Sid nodded as the two men went to the elevator and pressed for the lower thirty-fifth floor.

They exited at the right level and then went on into the conference room. Most of the others were already there. Claire was sat at the head of the table with Jo to her right, curly hair still bouncing despite the woman herself not actually moving, and a strange dark-haired lady to her left. Lindsay was sat next to Jo leaning casually back in her chair while the new CSI Messer was sat opposite her. Sid looked on in shock as he saw Lindsay blow him a kiss and his cheeks light up a bright red colour in embarrassment. Angell was sat next to Lindsay, the two of them chuckling with one another and Flack sat next to her. He looked rather awkward and Sid was sure that Angell's hand looked to be resting on his leg. The shy detective suddenly jumped and let out a quiet yelp, unintentionally confirming Sid's suspicions immediately. He and Adam took their seats next to Danny and then waited for Claire to speak.

"Where's Hawkes?" Claire asked.

"He's on his way. He said he just had to tell something to the other lab techs," Lindsay replied.

Claire sighed in frustration and then carried on. "Well I'd like to introduce Stella Bonasera to you all. She'll be replacing Jo starting from next week."

"And I'm just so darn excited to start working here," Stella smiled as she stood up. "My Mama always said New York was full of lovely people like you."

The others all gawped at her in confusion and surprise when Hawkes suddenly burst in chuckling to himself.

"Hey guy, hey guys, I've just gotta tell you this thing...It's so funny..."

Everyone groaned loudly.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N - Back by popular demand...

No copyright intended on lines taken directly from episodes!

* * *

Claire placed her hands together on her desk and gently rested her chin on the tips of her fingers as she leant forward and surveyed the man before him. His head was bent low as he looked at his feet and her mind raced as to how best to deal with this situation. It was unacceptable for this kind of behaviour to go on behind the scenes of the lab. Their work was important, essential to the capture of criminals and things like this could impede and jeopardise that work.

"Hawkes, this just isn't like you," she said softly, knowing full well it was.

"I know," Hawkes said guiltily, wringing his hands.

"You were laughing in the lab," Claire exclaimed, tutting as she spoke.

"It was funny," Hawkes said, sniggering before dropping his face again.

"It could have been a nasty accident," Claire said seriously.

"I didn't throw the goo at him on purpose, it just fell that way," Hawkes said sorrowfully.

"You deliberately threw the goo all over the floor, directly below where Detective Messer was sitting and when he stood up he slipped over in it and got covered head to toe," Claire said sternly, shaking her head. "He even broke his glasses in his struggle to stand up again."

"But it was funny..." Hawkes muttered.

"Well yes, it was," Claire agreed. "But only to begin with. Not once Chief Sinclair arrived with his dog who took a liking to the goo. It wouldn't leave Messer alone, even followed him into the showers."

"That was beyond my control," Hawkes replied quickly, trying desperately not to laugh.

"But you did then put the ham from your lunch sandwich in the back pocket of his jeans whilst he was showering," Claire said sternly.

"I was simply eating my lunch near the jeans and it just fell in there," Hawkes shrugged.

"The dog has been following him around all day," Claire tutted. "No-one could catch it!"

"It's not my fault he was running so fast to get away from the dog he fell over in the goo again," Hawkes sniggered.

"You were supposed to be cleaning it up," Claire told him.

"I went to find a cloth," Hawkes defended.

"And in that time, Messer got covered again and the dog caught up with him and began attacking his ass, trying to get at the ham."

"I wasn't there," Hawkes replied.

"And when Sinclair went to retrieve his dog he got pulled into the mess as well," Claire said, unsuccessfully hiding a snort of laughter herself. It had been hilarious to see her boss sliding over in the goo alongside a very large fluffy dog and her newest CSI.

"See, you find it funny too," Hawkes grinned.

"Well that might be so," Claire smiled. "But Messer now thinks you guys all have it in for him being the new guy."

"I don't," Hawkes exclaimed. "But he's just so deadly serious all the time and boring; going on and on and on about flowers and wildlife. What's life if we don't all have a little fun now and again?"

"It's called work," Claire stated. "There is a time and place for fun and work isn't it."

"More to life than work, Claire," Hawkes chuckled.

Claire sighed and then finally smiled, she couldn't stay mad at the sweet little lab tech for long. She knew he wasn't terribly bright and had a soft spot for him. It was the reason she had hired him in the first place.

"Fine, as long as you've learnt your lesson," she said. "And I'm putting you on barbecue duty at the weekend as punishment."

"Sure thing Claire, I do love a good Barbie," Hawkes grinned. "And I'm bringing the drinks."

"Are my ears burning about this shindig at the weekend?" asked Stella as she came into the room. "Oh howdy there, Sheldon Hawkes."

"I'm incharge of the cooking," grinned Hawkes excitedly, clapping his hands together.

"Oh my, well we'll sure be in for a good ol' guzzlin' treat then," Stella smiled and patted the lab tech on the back.

"Hmm, I better find out how to work a barbecue first," Hawkes suddenly frowned and then hurried from the room.

"Oh dear Lordy," Stella smirked shaking her head. "That poor boy doesn't know his head from his backside."

"He's learning," Claire excused from her desk.

"So how often do you have these fabulous ol' shindigs of yours?" Stella asked as she sat on the couch and casually leant back against it.

"Once a month. I like to arrange these get-togethers, keeps the team in good spirits and it's important for us all to get on well and be able to relax with each other," Claire replied. "Hawkes is right. There is more to life than being serious all the time."

"Oh my, well if that isn't just lovely, to be sure. It's like my ol' Mama always says, 'Hands on your hips, a smile on your lips, spirit in your heart, we're ready to start!'"

"What?" Claire asked, completely bewildered by the Southern woman's constant cheery disposition.

"A smile solves the whole world's problems," Stella laughed unaware Claire still wasn't really understanding her.

"You ever think you might be in the wrong job?" Claire asked.

"Not at all, I love it here already. You're such a dear, sweet little thing to work for," Stella said happily. "And everyone else has just been so nice to me. Cute little Hawkes with his simple jokes and that sweetheart up in the morgue with his slightly odd fascination with the dead. That fabulous little country boy, well he just makes me feel like a big ol' city girl the way he warbles on about his wheatfields. And those two savvy city gals themselves, Angell and Lindsay, my aren't they just the bonniest of lasses? And that A/V tech with the outrageous dress sense, well if I've never seen anything so clashing in all my life before as one of his shirts. Oh and that poor dear boy over at the precinct who barely says too words he's so painfully shy."

Claire stared at the dark-haired woman in amusement, taking a moment to work out exactly to whom Stella was referring to.

"I can already tell working in this lab is just going to be super fun," Stella added happily and then stood up. "Well hot diggity dog, I must be off. Got me some evidence to process."

Claire watched her as she left her office, still utterly bewildered at how a woman so God damn cheerful all the time came to work in a job like theirs.

* * *

Danny leant over the basin in the shower room and carefully pulled the pieces of goo from his spiky tips that hadn't been removed during his shower. He sighed as some of them stuck fast and made him look like his original blond frosted tips were now a green type of frost instead. He shook his head and then walked back into the locker room, jumping slightly at the figure lounging casually on one of the benches.

"Howdy cowboy," Lindsay smiled as she watched the country boy approach.

"Hey," he sighed and then turned to his locker.

Lindsay took one look at his slumped shoulders and sat up, fully alert and concerned.

"What's wrong, Montana?" she asked.

Danny let out a loud sigh and then turned to face her, suddenly looking a little cross. "You know, I think I'm a pretty nice person...level headed...patient..."

"I get it," Lindsay said quickly before Danny could reel off any more.

"And yet somebody decided, hey he's an easy target, let's play a lab prank on Danny because he's what...weak?" Danny laughed.

"I doubt that very much," Lindsay interjected as she gazed at his bulging muscles.

"Hawkes is going down for this," Danny said vehemently.

"Okay, okay, keep your cowboy hat on," Lindsay smiled as she stood up and moved closer, leaning casually against a locker.

Danny turned away and began to search in his locker again pulling out a clean shirt and putting it on over his tight vest. Lindsay let her eyes glance over his muscular torso and smiled to herself. He was pretty hot.

"You must have worked out a lot back in Montana," she murmured.

"I helped my Dad out on the farm, worked a lot in the wheatfields..."

Lindsay snorted in amusement and then turned; ready to go back into the lab.

"What?" Danny exclaimed, frowning at Lindsay's derision.

"Piece of advice, Montana. You want us big-city folk to take you seriously down here?"

Danny frowned even deeper.

"Stop going on about your wheatfields."

Danny watched Lindsay stalk out of the locker room, his mouth slightly agape. He didn't know what it was about her, but she really was something else. He quickly finished doing up his shirt and then hurried out of the room, bumping immediately into Hawkes.

"Oh," Danny muttered rather crossly.

"Sorry, Montana," Hawkes chuckled rather excitedly.

"That's not my name," Danny stated irritably.

"Aww...does someone have their cross face on?" he laughed.

"Now boys, I hope you're playing nicely," Stella scolded as she walked over to them.

"Of course we are," Hawkes grinned, just talking about names.

"My Mum and Dad waited six weeks till after I was born to name me," Danny stated. "They took their time, thought about it carefully and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it so I'd appreciate you using it!"

"Oh they waited six weeks to name you Montana?" Hawkes gawped.

"Urgh!" Danny scowled and went on his way.

"Well isn't someone just a crosspatch today," Stella tutted as she watched him go before turning back to Hawkes. "Sheldon Hawkes, look what you've done!" she admonished.

"I'll sort it," Hawkes shrugged. "A good old joke will cheer him up. He just needs to stop taking life so seriously all the time."

"He's just a little shykins cos he's new. I can relate to that," Stella sighed.

"But you're fun," Hawkes grinned.

"And what are you then?" Stella asked.

"Sense of humour, Hawkes. Danny Messer, no fun!" Hawkes giggled as he rushed away after Danny.

* * *

Flack sauntered into the elevator on the ground floor and pressed the button for lower level thirty five and then waited patiently.

"Hold it!" yelled a voice and Angell slammed into the elevator just before the doors closed. "God that was close," she choked, breathing hard. "Thanks...I..."

She looked up to see Flack staring at her, subconsciously inching towards the corner of the elevator out of nerves and embarrassment.

"Well hi there," she grinned.

"Hi," Flack smiled, fidgeting with his hands.

"You going down to the lab too?" Angell asked.

"Yeah," Flack nodded gaze never leaving his hands.

"Hmm," Angell hummed as she leant back against the opposite wall and stared at him. "So you come down here a lot?"

"Sometimes," Flack replied, looking up and then blushing and looking away.

Angell grinned to herself. "I'm looking forward to our date tonight. You haven't forgotten?"

"Nope," Flack said, shaking his head and looking anywhere except at the pretty homicide detective staring at him.

"Lindso, tells me you have four big sisters to get past first, before I can take you out on a real date," Angell chuckled.

"And a detective sergeant mother," Flack mumbled.

"Wow, really?" Angell muttered. "Bet that was like growing up with five mothers, huh? They dust you for prints when you got home from a date?"

"If it was up to them I wouldn't have known girls existed till I was twenty-one," Flack mumbled.

"I'm sure the girls knew you existed," Angell smiled, raising one eyebrow at the gentle-natured detective.

A rosy tinge appeared on Flack's cheeks and Angell giggled to herself. It was so easy to make the shy detective blush.

Flack coughed awkwardly and then looked up at Angell with wide, solemn eyes. "Did you just bust out your game on me?" he asked quietly.

"I have no game," Angell shrugged casually. "But if I did I think that's probably as good as it gets," she laughed

"I think it's pretty good," Flack murmured, smiling as the doors opened up to the lab.

"Well then," Angell laughed as she headed out towards Lindsay's office. "Guess I'll just have to get my game on with you then."

Flack blushed a bright red as he watched her strut away down the hallway and into Lindsay's office where a loud giggling could suddenly be heard.

"Donno, Donno," said a friendly voice and Flack turned to see Danny coming towards him.

"Danny boy, been looking for you," Flack smiled.

"Me too," Danny nodded. "I've got those photos of the wheatfields to show you in my locker."

"Oooo, how exciting," Flack smiled. "I've been looking forward to seeing those. And did you include the ones you managed to take of that rare badger?"

The two walked off together towards the locker room, nattering excitedly about the countryside with one another, fast becoming best friends.

* * *

Sid danced his way along the lab corridor, iPod blaring in his ears as he wiggled his ass about to the music. He was wearing a brightly coloured shirt that was red on the left, blue on the right and had a large yellow stripe down the middle. He'd paired it together with some faded green jeans and his ever present baseball cap.

"How very interesting, it's like a Romanian parade," Adam stated as Sid bounced into the breakroom.

"Huh?" Sid said, pulling out an earphone.

"Never mind," Adam said. "And you really shouldn't be using that in here. You could have an accident.

"Me? I'm...hey what's the opposite of accident prone?" he asked, scratching his head.

Adam rolled his eyes and tutted as he shook his head in admonishment of the older man.

"Working hard, I see Hammerback?" a gentle voice said from behind Sid.

"Ladyboss!" Sid squeaked and jumped round. "Oh...err..hi...yes...work, um...yes working hard...Sir...Ma'am."

"Stop being so nervous," Claire laughed, breaking out into a smile. "I just came to check you were both still coming to the barbecue at my house this weekend."

"Partyboss...coooollll..." Sid grinned as he went to the fridge to retrieve a can of coke.

"You know, I once had a very interesting case connected with a barbecue," Adam said as his eyes glazed over. "A young chap had been completely barbecued to death as he fell on top of it. He actually smelt quite delicious as I was performing his autopsy. Thank goodness I had already had my lunch that day."

Adam looked up and smiled at the memory, unaware of the disgusted look on Claire's face and the green tinge to Sid's pallor.

"Poor man had taken too many sleeping pills earlier in the day and all of a sudden...womph...it's barbecue ribs time," Adam continued. "His family inside the house didn't even realise what had happened to begin with, they thought the delicious smell was just the food he was cooking."

Sid collapsed down into a chair beside the fridge and hurriedly swigged his coke down, attempting to get rid of the nausea he was now feeling.

"Hmm," Adam chuckled. "What a funny world we live in. So would you like me to bring some ribs?" he asked pleasantly, looking up at Claire.

"No!" shouted Claire and Sid at the same time.

"Ahem, you just bring yourself along, Adam," Claire smiled. "That will be enough to make it a great party."

"Well if you're sure," Adam sighed.

"I am," Claire nodded as she left the room.

"Right on boss," Sid muttered from his seat and raised his coke in a toast to Claire's wise decision that Adam should not be allowed anywhere near the food.

"Well I best be making a move back to the morgue, I have some folks waiting up there for me," Adam said and then chuckled loudly at his joke. Of course they weren't waiting, they were dead.

"Great," Sid mumbled. "I'll see you at the barbecue."

"I can't wait," Adam replied.

"She's a great boss isn't she?" Sid sighed. "I mean, I just can't ever imagine working for anyone who was so serious all the time. Ladyboss is so light-hearted and fun, I guess you kind of need to be in our job," he mused.

"You're right, she is the perfect specimen for the job," Adam nodded and then groaned as Hawkes appeared in the doorway.

"What's up, Doc?" he laughed.

Adam frowned. "If you only knew the amount of times I've heard that..."

"I've got such a good one for you, just wait until you've heard it," Hawkes chuckled.

Sid groaned silently and then slid off his chair to the floor, enabling him to be unseen by the lab tech due to the kitchen counter jutting out.

"So a guy goes to the doctor with a strawberry stuck up him ass..." Hawkes stated already chuckling loudly.

Adam looked tiredly at Hawkes and shook his head in exasperation. He looked round for Sid and saw a purple Converse sticking out from behind the counter.

"And the doctor takes a look and says..." Hawkes paused and looked at Adam in excited anticipation for a moment. "I'll give you some cream for that!"

Hawkes burst out laughing and grabbed hold of a chair to stop himself from collapsing to the floor in a fit of giggles.

"I think Sid would very much like to hear that one," Adam stated. "He's on the floor behind the counter," he added and hurriedly left the room, ignoring the loud groan emanating from somewhere near to the floor of the fridge.


	3. Chapter 3

"I can't believe we're actually doing this," Angell muttered in disgust as she traipsed along after Lindsay down the hallway of an apartment block.

"Look, Angie, you wanna get with Flack or not?" Lindsay huffed as she stared at the door numbers they were passing.

"Well yeah but..." Angell started to say when Lindsay turned and stared at her crossly, hands on her hips.

"No buts. You're date with him went horribly because he was too shy to even look at you, let alone talk to you. And my date with Montana was dire because he was too busy staring at everything with his gob wide open rather than taking any notice of me," she said sternly.

"Yeah, but it's not like we don't see them at work, we can always give it another shot," Angell moaned grumpily, itching at her dress.

"Urgh," Lindsay rolled her eyes as she turned back and continued looking for the apartment she was after. "Angie, this is out of work, it's a whole different ball game. Montana has actually invited us to a party at his apartment. Do you realise this means I get to be in his house?! And Flack will be there too, so will the others and that will give him the confidence to talk to you."

"Hmm...well if you say so but I still think we shouldn't have bothered with the fancy dress," Angell muttered.

"Just be glad I talked him out of having that Wheatfield party," Lindsay replied.

"Oh and a cereal crop party is loads better," Angell snorted. "I don't even know that many cereals. I had to Google some."

"Which one are you again?" Lindsay frowned as she cast her eye backwards over Angell's costume.

"Oats," Angell grumped. "That's why I'm wearing this ridiculous beaded dress. The beads look like oats."

"If you say so," Lindsay chuckled.

"Oh alright, and what are you supposed to be then, little miss perfect Lindso?" Angell moaned.

"Millet of course," Lindsay replied. She was wearing a stripy brown and beige dress that brought out her eyes beautifully.

"How on Earth are you millet?" Angell asked.

"Because I'm all the different colours of it," Lindsay stated matter of factly.

"That's not millet," replied Angell.

"Well you don't look like oats," Lindsay snapped back.

"Hey Lindso?" Angell smirked.

"What?" Lindsay replied curtly.

"Why the hell are we arguing about cereals?"

Lindsay grinned and then burst out laughing. "You know, I haven't a damn clue."

The two girls giggled and then carried on along the hallway to the end where they came across the apartment they were looking for. Lindsay knocked hard and then waited for the door to be opened.

"Hey, sugar," she smiled as Danny opened it, dressed head to toe in yellow, including a yellow beret. On his clothes were glued what looked very much like strips of wheat.

"Hey, Oooo let me guess, hmmm... I know, millet and oats!" he grinned excitedly.

"You are one weird little man," Angell muttered as she pushed past and went inside.

"And I sure do like weird," Lindsay said seductively, raising one eyebrow as she walked past and went on inside.

Most of the others were already there enjoying their drinks and Dolly Parton was blaring out loudly from the stereo. Lindsay made her way over to Claire who was lounging back casually over the couch.

"Hey Claire," Lindsay smiled.

"Heya Lindso..." Claire grinned and then hiccupped.

"Lindso? You never call me Lindso," Lindsay frowned. "Are you drunk?"

"Sure am. Love the old bevy or two," Claire grinned. Her lipstick was slightly smudged and she wore a tiered green dress that was particularly short and left very little to the imagination.

"What cereal are you then?" Lindsay laughed as she took the drink Angell handed to her.

"Sorghum!" Claire giggled.

"What the hell is sorghum?" Angell frowned.

"It's not so widely known," Claire hiccupped. "But it is the fifth most important cereal crop grown in the world!"

"Trust you to come as something clever," Lindsay smiled. She knew Claire was highly intelligent; it was how she had got to her position as the head of the crime lab. However she also knew Claire was extremely social and loved a good party.

"I'm so glad you gals could both come to the party. I told Montana to have the party so that you guys would like him. He was so worried people were laughing at his country ways," Claire said as seriously as she could.

"And you thought this would help?" Angell scoffed as she gestured around at everyone dressed up as cereals.

"Meh, it's a party!" Claire laughed raising her glass and downing her drink in one. It was a pint of beer.

"God," Angell muttered. "I'm gonna find Flack."

"Flack?" Stella said as she came over to join them. "Why that pretty boy of yours is outside on the balcony cooking up the most delicious barbecue if ever I did see one."

"Oh hey Stell, what are you then?" Lindsay asked as Angell disappeared down the hallway.

Stella was wearing a pair of old dungarees, a green and yellow checked shirt, a straw hat and had a piece of grain sticking out of her mouth.

"Aw schucks girl, I'm rye."

"Rye?" Lindsay asked in confusion.

"Sure thing, hun. This here be a piece of rye" she said gesturing to the grain in her mouth.

"Fair enough," Lindsay nodded. "I'm millet."

"Well hickory dock me. That sure is swell," Stella gushed. "Doesn't that dress just bring out your eyes like I don't know what?"

"Thanks, Stella," Lindsay smiled as she felt something heavy hit her shoulder. "Oh..."

Claire had slumped against her, seemingly passed out from drinking so much.

"Ha ha ha!" hooted Stella in laughter. "That poor dear girl sure knows how to knock'em back. It's like my Mama always says, 'candy is dandy but liquor is quicker'!"

"What?" Lindsay frowned, completely confused y the older woman's words.

"My Mama," Stella grinned. "I was on the phone with her just before I came out to this ol' shindig. She said she had a date tonight."

"Your Mum has a date?" Lindsay asked, impressed. "Well she's doing better than me."

"You're right there hun. I don't know what's more depressing; the fact that my eighty year old Mama has a hot date tonight or the fact that I don't," Stella sighed.

"Ladies!" Sid interrupted, sliding over with a bottle of beer in both hands.

"Hey Sid," Lindsay smiled.

"Why Sidney boy, aren't you just looking fabulous!" Stella smiled.

Sid was dressed in an all brown outfit except for his usual purple Converse and cap. He had wound a piece of paper around his middle on which he had drawn the label for a bottle of Budweiser.

"You're a bottle of beer?" Lindsay asked.

"A bottle of beer that contains barely," Sid grinned, swigging down some of his drink.

"Clever," Lindsay nodded.

"Sure am," Sid grinned. "Hey, what happened to sleepyboss?" he asked.

"She passed out from all the alcohol," Lindsay replied.

"She sure knows how to party," Sid mused. "Hey, Stell, how about a dance?"

"Why you sweet little thing, I sure as dandy would love an old sweep round the ballroom," Stella replied.

"Huh?" Sid frowned.

"That's a yes," Lindsay giggled as she took the beers out of his hands and left him to Stella.

She slowly made her way round the apartment, examining every inch of it to gain insight into Danny's life. The lounge was mostly browns and greens with pictures of wheatfields up on the walls. The kitchen was full of food and it was obvious he liked to cook from the different herbs and spices stacked neatly on the side. She wandered down the hallway and poked her head into his bedroom. It was very neat and tidy, once again in greens and browns. In fact if she was honest the apartment made Danny seem a little boring.

"Nosing around?" said a stern voice and Lindsay turned to see the creepy M.E. standing beside her.

"Oh, hey Adam," Lindsay grinned. "You look great."

He was dressed in a white suit, a white shirt, a white tie and a white pair of shoes. He even had a white handkerchief poking out of his top pocket.

"Hello there," he replied. "And yes. Flattery will get you everywhere, my dear."

He stepped forward grinning at her creepily and Lindsay warily took a step back.

"I'm rice," he stated at her questioning look. "Nice bleached white rice. Just like bones."

"Oh!" Lindsay nodded, feeling rather sick at the mention of bones.

"Nice pure, white, ethereal, luminous bones," Adam continued. "A beautiful skeleton, carcass of the soul. So captivating, so enthralling, so delightful...oh?!"

It took him a minute to realise he'd been talking to himself, Lindsay had long since disappeared somewhere else far away from the creepy M.E.

Meanwhile Angell stepped out onto Danny's balcony and immediately burst into laughter.

"What?" said the figure turning around who then immediately blushed red.

Flack was dressed up like a corn on the cob, in a huge shapeless outfit much like a banana costume or the people you saw dressed as sandwiches in the street. Only his face peeked out from a circle cut into the front of it and a tufty bit of green leaf sprouted from the top of it over his head.

"Nice costume, Flack," Angell grinned as she leant against the doorframe.

"Hmm..." Flack hummed as he looked down at the barbecue.

"I think it makes you look incredibly hot," Angell said as she took a step in towards the shy detective.

"Well it is rather warm in here," he squeaked and then quickly shut up as he realised what she meant.

"Is it now?" she said in a low seductive tone as she took another step towards him.

"Um...yeah. I guess with the barbecue and the sun..." Flack stepped back warily as she advanced upon him like a lion on its prey.

"Well I could do with a bit of warming up myself," she smiled as she paused, right in front of him. "I'm so cold in this tiny little dress I'm wearing..."

Flack's face was a bright red as he looked round awkwardly for something to divert attention from himself.

"Um..." he squeaked as he took one final step back. His corn on the cob costume jostled as it bounced off the wall and then he stumbled and fell into the barbecue, knocking it to the ground along with himself.

"Oh gosh," Angell said as she watched the both of them tip over.

Flack rolled about on the ground, unable to right himself due to the ridiculous costume he was wearing.

"Aargh!" he squeaked as the leafy bits suddenly caught alight from the coals.

"Hold still let me help," Angell yelled as she tried to put it out but tripped over his costume and fell to the ground herself.

"Here!" Lindsay shouted as she ran out onto the balcony and grabbed a potted plant.

She chucked the plant over the balcony and then dumped the water in the bottom of the pot over Flack. The flames immediately went out and Angell managed to squirm away before she was soaked too. The two girls then each took an arm and tried to pull him to his feet.

"Here, let me help," Sid shouted as he rushed out to help pull Flack upright.

"You sure you can lift him?" Angell asked, eyeing the older man.

"I can lift the Titanic with the proper tools," Sid exclaimed and then the three of them grabbed hold of Flack and raised him up.

"My costume!" Flack exclaimed sadly as he examined his wet, blackened and now tatty outfit.

"Oh dear, what happened?" Danny asked as he came hurrying out to join them.

"My cob caught fire," Flack said sadly.

"Oh that is a shame, it was really lovely," Danny frowned. "Here, I'll take you to my bedroom and help you get changed."

The two men disappeared off, Flack wobbling from side to side as fast as his costume would let him.

"They are sooooo weird," Sid muttered as he went back to the lounge for another drink.

"'Lovely'?" Angell muttered. "What kind of a man uses the word 'lovely'?"

"Hey," Lindsay said defensively. "Don't you go insulting my man. You do realise you just hit on a corn on the cob?"

Angell shrugged and then grinned before turning to frown at the doorway.

"Sid's right though. They are both a bit odd," she mused.

"Yeah, they are," Lindsay agreed. "Bit weird going off together to the bedroom..."

"Helping him to get changed..." Angell added.

The two girls stood with their heads tilted in thought before they turned to one another and said simultaneously, "You don't think..."

They stared at one another for a moment in shock.

"Nah," Lindsay said after a moment.

"No way," Angell added.

But they both looked a little disconcerted and then made their way back to the lounge. Claire was still passed out on the couch, snoring a little and drooling onto the cushion beneath her head. Stella was dancing sexily around Adam who had almost frozen in shock as he watched her wiggle her ass into his crotch and Sid was jigging about crazily by himself, two bottles of beer back in his hands. Just then the doorbell rang and Lindsay went to answer it.

"Hey, am I late?" Hawkes grinned as he stepped inside. He was dressed in a matching pair of trousers and shirt that were multicoloured and hideous.

"What the hell are you?" Sid asked as he stumbled over.

"Fruit Loops," Hawkes grinned excitedly.

"Hawkes man, it's not that kind of cereal," Sid replied. "It's like grains and crops, not breakfast cereal."

"Oh!" Hawkes said in surprise. "Oh well, I like fruit loops."

"Yeah, because he is one," Sid whispered to Lindsay as Hawkes went over to ask Stella for a dance.

Adam quickly hurried over to Lindsay and Sid.

"That woman scares me," he whispered.

"Worried she has a crush on you?" Sid grinned waggling his eyebrows.

"Of course not," Adam frowned. "Hmm, maybe I should go and check on the barbecue..."

"No!" Sid yelled at the same time as Lindsay.

"Barbecue's off, Sid. It's just the food in the kitchen," Lindsay quickly said.

"Oh, I was so looking forward to some nice ribs," Adam sighed.

"I'll go and wake passed-outboss!" Sid grinned as he scampered away.

Danny and Flack returned to the lounge just then and Danny went over to put on a new CD. Flack stood shyly in the corner of the room, feeling rather awkward that he was now only wearing his white vest and jeans.

"Hey!" Angell smiled as she sidled over to him and stood gazing very obviously at his muscles.

Flack looked embarrassed and wrapped his arms around his body protectively.

"What?" Angell shrugged. "You look good in a vest!"

Flack blushed terribly and did everything possible to avoid her gaze.

"Hello hello," Hawkes grinned as he bounded over. "How you two doing?"

"Great thanks," Angell muttered, somewhat annoyed that Hawkes had interrupted them.

"I'm so glad I made it," Hawkes continued, oblivious to what he had interrupted. "I thought I'd have missed it. I got stuck in this terrible situation. You see I was on the loo and well, you know what..."

"Are we actually having this conversation?" Angell huffed irritably, not wanting to know anything about what Hawkes was doing on the toilet.

"Oh I'm sorry," Hawkes frowned. "By all means carry on your one sided chat with Mr Talkative over there. Cos that's a scintillating conversation right there."

Angell watched as Hawkes stomped off over to Sid and Claire, who was now awake.

"Hawkesy!" Claire grinned as he came over. "You're here! I hope you have one of your marvellous jokes to tell everyone!"

"Well..." Hawkes said, his eyes shining with excitement.

"Ooo I know what we should do," Claire interrupted before he could get a word out. "Drinking contest! Woooo!"

"Yeah Wooooo drunkboss!" Sid agreed cheering.

"Well you can sure as sugarsticks count me in, darlin'," Stella added.

"This is a bad idea," Danny muttered, knowing his apartment was about to be wrecked.

"Contests aren't against the law, Monty. Neither is stupidity or bad judgement," Claire slurred merrily as she, Hawkes, Adam, Sid and Stella all went to the kitchen to get started on their competition.

"Ho, ho, ho, to the bottle I go..." Stella sung as she danced excitedly with Sid to the kitchen.

"Oh God," Danny moaned, head in his hands.

"Don't worry, Montana," Lindsay smiled, coming over and patting him on the shoulder.

"I just wanted to have a nice party," Danny sighed.

"And you are. Though Dolly Parton and Shania Twain? Really? You gotta change your music list," Lindsay chuckled.

"Well, at least everyone seems to be enjoying the cereal crop idea," Danny smiled.

"I guess so," Lindsay laughed. "Though I'm afraid to these guys, New York will always beat your wheatfields."

"Have you ever even seen a wheat field?" Danny asked crossly.

"What's to see? It's just wheat," Lindsay giggled.

"I'm winning!" Sid yelled as he ran towards them from the kitchen and then tripped, falling flat on his face. "Ouch!"

"Are you okay?" Lindsay asked worriedly.

"Yeah," Sid grinned, sitting up, his nose all bloody.

"Here, let me take care of that for you," Adam said rushing over from where he'd been talking to Angell and a silent Flack.

"Urgh no, you're alright there, Ad," Sid muttered, trying to pull away from him.

"But the blood," Adam said in awe. "It's so fresh, so red. I miss that you know? I never get to work with such a clean, fresh wound down in the morgue."

"You keep your hands off me," Sid warned as he picked his cap up from the floor.

"So beautiful," Adam said, entranced by Sid's nose. "It looks just like wine."

"Wine?" Sid squeaked. "It's nothing like. And beer is where it's at, Ad!"

"God I love a good beer," Lindsay smiled.

"I quite like wine," Angell added, coming over.

"Really?" Lindsay exclaimed in surprise. "How do I not know this about you?!"

"Some of us have taste, Lindso!" Angell giggled.

"Angell, I think Lindsay's favourite kind of wine is Chianti," snorted Danny.

"No you're wrong. My favourite kind of wine is beer," Lindsay grinned. "And since when do you know so much about wine anyway, Montana?"

"I'm more than beer and buffalo burgers, Monroe," Danny muttered as he helped Sid up and over to the couch.

"Whatever, Montana," Lindsay replied as she turned to smile at Angell and Adam.

"You think Lindsay calls me "Montana" because I'm a 49er's fan?" Danny asked Sid quietly as he watched her, unable to fathom her.

"She calls you that because she has a crush on you," Sid muttered as if Danny was daft.

"What?!" Danny squeaked. "Really?"

"How do you not know this?!" Sid exclaimed as he lay back and tilted his head up to stop the bleeding. He caught Adam eyeing him rather suspiciously.

"I kinda have a crush on her too," Danny murmured to himself.

"Hey, have you ever seen anyone punch themselves in the face?" Stella shouted as she rushed into the lounge.

"No, why are you going to?" Adam asked, an eyebrow raise in interest.

"Of course not, you dear, but Hawkes is about to," Stella grinned.

"Oh God!" Danny replied as he rushed into the kitchen followed by everyone else.

Hawkes and Claire were in there giggling hysterically and the latter had his arm raised in front of his face. Just then there was another ring on the doorbell.

"Who can that be?" Danny asked, frustrated. "Everyone I invited is already here and it's nearly time to be winding down anyway!"

"It's for me!" Claire shouted and then stumbled to the door.

Everyone followed her back out to the lounge. Sid and Adam looking rather disappointed that they weren't going to see Hawkes punch himself in the face.

"Hey there, gorgeous," Claire grinned as she opened the door to a tall, tanned man with a mop of blond hair.

"Why, who is that fine piece of cattle meat?" Stella whispered to Angell.

"Everyone, this is Christian. He's my new boyfriend," Claire laughed and then hiccupped.

"Hmm," Sid hummed to Lindsay. "It's a little late in the day for him to show up."


End file.
